


I Keep Coming Back To You

by basslined, ImWithEnjolras, killuazcldyck, tmntransformer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Breakups, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Post-High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8249849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basslined/pseuds/basslined, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImWithEnjolras/pseuds/ImWithEnjolras, https://archiveofourown.org/users/killuazcldyck/pseuds/killuazcldyck, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmntransformer/pseuds/tmntransformer
Summary: Sometimes, all it takes for you to realize that you're in love with someone is to see them fall for someone else; when they can't stop talking about them, or when their eyes light up whenever they think about them, and a selfish part of you can't help but think 'Hey, it should be me that makes you that happy.'





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's note:** This fic has a few other short-term relationships and a few breakups, as well as an implied relationship between Takeda and Ukai, but this is only mentioned in name. Please bear in mind that this is first and foremost a TanaNoya fic.
> 
> Hello, friends!
> 
> Finally, we've decided to post up our SASO 2016 MR fics onto AO3 so that the wider Haikyuu!! community can have access to these fics that we worked hard to create.
> 
> This fic was a collaborative work between members in Team NoyaRyuu for the Sports Anime Shipping Olympics 2016. We had a lot of fun writing this, and we hope that you enjoy reading it!
> 
> All the art was drawn by Kate, so please check out her Twitter for some more gorgeous TanaNoya artwork. Our names and online handles are at the end notes. :)
> 
> \---
> 
> This time, we decided to go with a take on the red thread of fate theme. It's something that we felt would be relatable to a lot of people - that sometimes you really want to be with someone you love, but even though those feelings are reciprocated, the timing or the circumstances just don't seem to align and the two of you can't be together. In this case, we gave them the happy ending those who have been in that situation before had probably wished they'd gotten for themselves. We hope that it's an enjoyable read!

In a roundabout way, Tanaka has Saeko to thank for meeting Noya. Not that he’d ever tell her, but the day he met Noya was the same day she’d paused outside his bedroom door, watching him tug at his unruly hair in the mirror, a smirk curling at the corner of her mouth. The same day she’d suggested that he stop wasting his hard-earned allowance on endless haircuts and held up a razor, uttering the fatal words: trust me.

An hour later his almost bald reflection blinks back at him. Has his head always been this shape? He might’ve cried had Saeko not announced it looks cool, patted him on the back with a heavy hand and insisted that it’d grow back by tomorrow anyway. Honestly, he was lucky to have such a thoughtful big sister.

If he never has to pay for another haircut in his life Tanaka reckons he’ll be able to buy an infinite amount of pork buns, so maybe having a buzz cut wasn’t so bad after all. It certainly doesn’t feel so bad with the setting sun casting a soft orange blanket over him and one of them warming his fingers as he sits on the curb outside Sakanoshita.

“Aw man, no way!” Two small hands curl around his shoulders, big, brown eyes blinking over his head and staring longingly at his bun. “You musta just beat me!”

“Oi! What the hell?”

“When did you get here?” Tanaka stares up at the stranger who stares back expectantly.

“A few minutes ago?”

“I knew I shoulda ran!” His chin settles atop Tanaka’s head, his hands falling from his shoulders. Tanaka doesn’t even need to see his face; his hair’s short enough that he can feel the pout that’s being buried into it. “The last pork bun.” A deep sigh floats down. “My favorite.”

Tanaka frowns at it. For some reason it doesn’t feel as warm in his hands as it did seconds ago.

“You can have it,” he raises the bun above his head to where he thinks this kid’s mouth might be, laughing when two hands roughly push off his back.

“You sure?” Tanaka snorts at the huge bite mark as the boy plops himself down next to him, swallowing loudly and licking his lips.

“Yeah. I like melonpan better anyways.” He shrugs. That’s not even a smidge true, but things always taste better when everyone’s happy. He holds the pork bun out, noticing that this kid is a lot smaller than he felt whilst draped across his back. He looks different right side up too, with his hair flopping over his forehead instead of dangling above his head. He doesn’t ask a second time, prying the snack out of Tanaka’s hands and stuffing over half of it into his mouth.

“I knew you’d be nice!” He wipes his mouth across the back of his hand. “I’m Nishinoya Yuu, but everyone calls me Noya!”

“Tanaka Ryuunosuke.” Noya pokes the rest of the bun into his mouth and stands up abruptly, holding his hand out.

“C’mon! I’ll buy your melonpan and then you hafta come with me to find Japan’s fattest toad! The old geezer who lives next door gave me this map to where it lives!” Noya’s enthusiasm is infectious and Tanaka finds himself grabbing onto his hand and being pulled up from the curb.  
  


“Adventures _are_ always better with friends!” Noya’s smile explodes on his face; he’s missing a front tooth and his hand’s a little sticky, but his eyes glow, round and warm, so Tanaka finds he doesn’t mind.

“Nice people always have cool haircuts.” Noya nods firmly, as if that explains everything. Maybe it does. Tanaka brushes his hand across the back of his head. Maybe a buzz cut could be a good thing.

 

* * *

 

Tanaka doesn’t know when he started to fall for Noya. Perhaps it was a combination of the platonic hand-holding and joking about living together with four dogs in the future throughout the years that did it. Perhaps he only realized it when Noya told him, eyes sparkling with joy, that “Yachi-chan’s so cute! She asked me out yesterday and made me cupcakes!” (and all Tanaka could think was, _I would bake you a thousand cupcakes any day, Noya-san_ ).

For three months, all Noya can talk about is Yachi and how _cute_ she is. Even when Tanaka wants to spend some alone time with Noya, Yachi’s there - and he can’t say anything about it, because she really does seem to care about him.

But he decides to tell Noya - not because he’s a jealous, lovestruck teenage boy, but because Noya is his best friend and he doesn’t think he can bear hiding something so big from him.

He sees him standing alone in front of Sakanoshita and everything inside Tanaka freezes; his mouth, usually so adept at endlessly talking shit, is as dry as a desert, and his legs, normally so fast and sprightly, are glued to the ground. This is where we first met, remember? Tanaka thinks hopelessly to himself as he forces himself to move.

“Yo, Ryuu!” Noya waves at him, smiling. When Tanaka steps closer to him, however, he notices that the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“You okay?” asks Tanaka, putting his confession on hold. Noya shrugs in response.

“I guess. Yachi kinda broke up with me like an hour ago, though,” he chuckles, scratching his head. He looks around the street, sighing. “Shoulda seen it coming, I guess…” Noya’s shoulders sag and for the first time in his life, Tanaka doesn’t know what to say to Noya. He’s never seen him look so … vulnerable before, and something tells him that now isn’t the time to tell him how he feels.

Instead, Tanaka pulls him in for a hug and they walk in comfortable silence until they find a cafe to sit down in, and Noya tells him everything.

 

* * *

 

“Take me to Disneyland, Nishinoya Yuu.” That … kinda came out of nowhere, but Noya rolls with the punches as best as he can.

“Ryuu? The fuck?” Tanaka throws himself onto Noya’s couch, burying his face in a throw pillow. Noya thinks he hears Tanaka scream into it.

Tanaka rolls over onto his back. “I’m dreadfully single and I just really wanna go to Disneyland, but that’s a couple place and I don’t wanna be the sorry loser there all alone.” Tanaka sags even further into the couch. “Help me not be That Guy, Noya.”

Tanaka sobs dramatically and Noya can’t help but burst into laughter. “Talk about first world problems!”

“Shut up, Noya! This is concerning!” Tanaka, despite what he said, joins Noya in his laughter. “I’ll show you! I’ll go to Disneyland with my future girl or boyfriend and we’ll have a real great time!”

Tanaka starts mumbling about cute pictures and romantic boat rides, but Noya’s still hooked on what he’d just said.

“A boy or a girl?” Tanaka immediately pauses his speech and looks at Noya like he didn’t understand why Noya didn’t understand.

“Well … yes? Why limit myself?” Leaping up to stand on the couch, Tanaka places his hands on his hips, grinning wide. “Look at me! I’d be a fuckin’ pleasure to date!”

Noya nods, purely because he can’t find any reason to disagree. Anyone would be lucky to go on even one date with his best friend.

… Even if the idea of Tanaka dating anyone did bother him for some strange reason.

 

* * *

 

“HOLY SHIT, NOYA, DUDE!!!” If Noya wasn’t Noya, he’d possibly be critically injured by Tanaka sprinting at full-speed towards him.

“IS THE WORLD ENDING?!” Tanaka stops just inches in front of Noya, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

Ukai glances up from his seat behind the cash register, but seeing as it’s just Tanaka and Noya being loud and obnoxious in front of his store, he looks back down to continue texting Takeda.

“NO!!!” Noya thinks he can see tears in Tanaka’s eyes. “It’s just beginning!”

“Oh?”

Tanaka wipes his palms on his shorts; Noya’s never seen him do that. “But! Dude! I just got asked out! By The Cutest Girl™ from that all girls’ school behind my house!”

Noya’s instant reaction is: “ _Holy shit, dude_!”

“Same guy!”

Noya and Tanaka stare at each other for a couple seconds, wide-eyed with their jaws comically dropped, before bursting into loud laughter.

“So … gonna take her to Disneyland?” Tanaka punches Noya’s shoulder for low-key making fun of him.

“Nah. Not yet. That’s a Big Special Date kinda place, I think.” Noya nods sagely, hand on his chin.

“Yeah. Wait a couple weeks at least.” Tanaka throws a double thumbs up before launching into telling Noya all about ‘Haru-chan’, a truly impressive combination of jumping, shouting, arm waving, and shy planning of future dates.

Noya turns around, rubbing his stomach. He’s not hungry. There’s just an ugly feeling settling there that he’s going to do his damnedest to rub away.

 

* * *

 

It’s four weeks later when Tanaka opens Noya’s front door with very little enthusiasm.

“Just in time, dude! I literally just took the pizza-”

That’s when he hears Tanaka sniffle.

Tanaka never sniffles. Not even when he has a cold.

Tanaka’s just that much of a manly man. (In Noya’s eyes, of course).

“Dude?” Noya inches over to the living room, where he assumes Tanaka’s gone, and finds him lying on his couch, staring at the ceiling. Then he sees the tears. “Ryuu?”

Tanaka stays quiet, so Noya sits down so Tanaka can use his lap as a pillow. “Y’know when something’s so good, it’s pretty much almost too good to be true?” Noya gulps, nodding. Tanaka sniffles again, covering his eyes with an arm and Noya feels his heart clench. “Haru…was definitely too good to be true.”

Tanaka doesn’t need to say anything more. Noya doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get how Haru could pass up on someone as great, amazing and handsome as Tanaka. He’s genuinely confused. Does Haru not have a heart? Eyes?

But, he realizes, now’s not the time to get angry and frustrated with someone as miniscule as Haru What’s-Her-Face.

Noya leans forward, resting his forehead against Tanaka’s. “Hey. Go to Disneyland with me?”  
  


A beat of silence before both boys are laughing so loud they’ve woken up his neighbour’s dog.

Noya can’t squash the guilt at the relief he felt knowing that Tanaka and Haru were no more. He doesn’t think he ever will.

 

* * *

 

“Yo, baby bro! Congratulations!”

Tanaka isn’t too sure what’s going on. It’s not everyday he comes home to Saeko just randomly congratulating him.

“Wha-?”

“That exchange you applied for!” Tanaka blinks, staring at the letter in his sister’s hand. What exchange? When did he ever-

“Dude! Think of all the French girls! And guys! I don’t have any interest in that fashion design stuff you like, but this totally has your name all over it!”

Oh. _That_ exchange.

Wait.

“You mean I got in?!” Tanaka rips the letter out of Saeko’s hands, reading as fast as possible. _Congratulations. Acceptance. Paris_. “Holy shit, I gotta tell Noya.”

“Weren’t you just at his place?” He’d forgotten that Saeko was still there. “He’s gonna be so proud of you!”

Proud? Then why does it feel like his heart’s being kicked around by his own feet?

 

* * *

 

“So remember that exchange program in Paris you convinced me to apply for?”

 _This can’t be happening_.

“So I got a response back.”

_You’re leaving?_

“And I got accepted!”

“How long was it again?”

“A year. Maybe more if they like me!”

 _A year_.

“I realize that’s a long time. But there’s always Skype, right? And there’s Christmas so maybe I can come back! Or…you could come visit!”

_A year without Ryuu?_

“Hey, Noya? You okay?”

What am I going to do without Ryuu?

“Noya?”

_I can’t._

“Sorry! Um … congratulations!”

 

* * *

 

Tanaka remembers the silence that stood between them at the airport, screaming at him to _just grab him, Ryuu! Grab him and kiss him now, before it’s too late_.

“See ya, bro!” Noya had said hastily, slapping Tanaka on the back affectionately, breaking the tension between them.

Moment over.

“R-right! Later!” Tanaka had responded, giving his best friend a noogie. Then he walked out, leaving Noya behind. If he hadn’t put his headphones on at the exact moment he walked past the departure gate in an attempt to squash his feelings, he might’ve heard Noya yell out to him. He might’ve heard Noya calling his name, begging for him to “ _Stop! Ryuu, wait! Come back!_ ”. But he _did_ put his headphones on, and he didn’t notice anything of what could’ve happened.

In his first week in Paris, Tanaka finds the perfect postcard to send to Noya. It’s a picture of a snail that’s painted an “S” on his car, captioned “ _Look at that S car go!_ ”. It’s a terrible joke, but Tanaka thinks Noya would love it.

Tanaka writes down everything he couldn’t say to Noya at the airport, from how he was sorry he didn’t say anything earlier, to writing that he’d like to date Noya if he felt the same way. He knows it’s a shitty thing to put it in a letter, but they rarely have time to Skype so he pours everything he has into the tiny space on the postcard and sends it to Japan.

Tanaka waits for over a month for Noya to send him a letter or postcard back, but he never receives anything. Heck, he doesn’t even acknowledge it online! They just chat like usual, and Tanaka realizes then and there that those ridiculous feelings he has for Noya are just that - ridiculous and one-sided. So, just like all those other times, Tanaka flushes any romantic feelings he has for Noya out of his system once and for all, in the only way that he knows how: by getting shit-faced drunk.

When he goes to the bar one Friday night and sees a tall, muscular, gorgeous man with a sparkling tongue piercing, Tanaka decides to test out what little French he knows after some encouragement from friends and a few shots of tequila.

“ _Bonsoir_ ,” he finally plucks up the courage to talk to Piercing Guy, who smiles devilishly.

“ _Salut, je suis Yuuji_ ,” Piercing Guy kisses him on the cheek, looking delighted when Tanaka shudders under his touch.

“ _Je m’appelle Ryuu. Je suis japonais._ Uh…” Tanaka racks his brain for his introductory French vocabulary, but draws a blank. He remembers a phrase he learned in high school, which he and Noya practiced a thousand times just in case they ever met cute Francophones. “ _Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir_?”

Yuuji bursts into laughter - and not the sexy, smouldering, smirky type, either. He throws his head back and slaps his hand on his knee as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. Unfazed, Tanaka stares at him. “Usually…” starts Yuuji in Japanese, and Tanaka suddenly feels extremely stupid. “Usually I get someone to buy me a drink before I sleep with them,” he winks.

 

* * *

 

Noya doesn’t think much of it at first; Tanaka’s Instagram is flooding with pictures of food, new countries he’s been visiting, and new friends he’s made. He’s honestly happy for him - he seems to be having a blast. They still chat often, of course, but over the past few weeks, there’s definitely been some distance between them. Not that he’d expected Tanaka to do anything special for him, but Noya _was_ kinda shocked that he hadn’t even sent him a postcard in the past year.

“I mean, look, I know he’s busy and all, but if he’s got enough time to go out everyday, you’d think he’d have the time to write me a goddamn postcard!” Noya paces around his living room, fuming as Taketora sits on his sofa. “What am I, not even worth a lick and a stamp on a piece of fucking paper?!” Tora chokes on his tea as he tries to hide his poorly disguised laughter. “This isn’t funny, Tora!”

Tora sobers, giving his friend a sympathetic look. “Dude, are you in love with him or something?”

Noya stops pacing. He stares at Tora, surprised that he’d even ask something as absurd as that. He thinks about the late-night conversations, the reason why things didn’t work out with Yachi (“ _The way you look at him, Yuu…I can’t compete with that_ ,”), and oh, that stupid, horrid airport moment. He should’ve told him then - well, no, technically, he’d had a thousand opportunities to tell Tanaka. Noya groans, putting his head in his hands.

“Holy shit, you _are_ in love with him!” Tora shouts in glee, pulling out his phone excitedly. “Bro, call him now and tell him how you feel! Just lemme close Instag - oh, fuck.” Tora tries to put his phone away, but Noya’s reflexes beat him to it and he grabs the phone off him. “ _Oh, fuck_ ” is right. Noya’s heart drops as he stares at the picture in front of him on the screen.  
  


It’s a very happy Tanaka - there’s no mistaking the twinkle in his eyes - standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. But he’s not alone; he’s facing another guy (the guy, Noya realizes, is from the many selfies and group photos Tanaka’s been sharing) and they’re kissing each other. The caption beneath it reads, “ _The way to a man’s heart is telling him how big your baguette is - ancient proverb by @yuujizzinmypants (babe pls fix ur ig name before I kill you)_ ”. Noya feels like he’s been punched in the stomach a thousand times as he rereads the caption and looks at the photo again.

Noya makes up his mind before any rational part of him can tell him no. He runs to his computer and books a one-way ticket to Paris for the very next day. He doesn’t know what’ll happen, but he knows for sure that unless he tells Tanaka exactly how he feels, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.

 

* * *

 

“Noya!? What're you doin’ here?” Noya brings his head up when he hears Tanaka’s voice. What a sight for sore eyes, he thinks.

Tanaka immediately hoists Noya up into the air excitedly when he stands up from the steps to greet him. “I just figured I’d come see for myself what the big deal about Paris was.”

“I can't believe you didn't tell me you were comin’!”

“If I’d told you, it would’ve ruined the surprise, ya dummy.”

Tanaka hugs him tightly around the shoulders when he puts him down and Noya unabashedly presses himself into the touch, returning the embrace; he missed this - him - so much more than he thought he did.

They sit on the steps, catching up on the things they didn't already get to talk about on Skype. Noya tells him about his flight, Tanaka shows him preliminary sketches for the project he's working on and they both reminisce about the time they got Tora drunk and convinced him to shotgun a can of ravioli.

And then it inevitably comes up: Tanaka’s relationship with Terushima. He sounds so enamored talking about him; Noya can't help but bristle and definitely can't bite back the petty jealousy before it tumbles from his mouth.

“I was surprised at first. He doesn't really seem like your type.”

Tanaka’s lips twitch slightly. “I guess? I didn't really think much about it ‘cause I was pretty smashed. Turned out we had a lot in common, though. The rest is history.”

“I can see that from your pics n’ stuff. You're like that gross, married couple we always used to joke about hating.” The words fall impulsively from his lips and he instantly regrets them when he sees the look on Tanaka’s face.

“Dude, I don't understand why you're getting so worked up. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were jealous.”

Noya tenses up and looks away.

Tanaka’s voice quiets as he continues. “... I mean, it's not like you ever even thought of me like that, right? You never mentioned my postcard, so I figured that was that.”

Noya can feel his heart begin to pound. “... What postcard?”

Tanaka looks away, unable to maintain Noya’s intense gaze. “I sent you one like, literally the second week I was here. You never said anythin’ about it, so I just assumed-”

Noya cuts him off, tone both aggravated and hurt. “You really think that if I'd gotten mail from you and you'd written somethin’ that's clearly important, I woulda just fuckin’ ignored it? I was bitching to Tora for weeks that you couldn't seem to find the time to even toss a letter my way. Why didn't you say anything?!”

“Because I thought it meant you didn't feel the same and I was embarrassed!” he snaps back and Noya feels like he's been slapped.

He’s about to open his mouth again when Terushima’s sing-songing cuts through the air. “Ryuuuuu~ Are you - oh? Who’s this? Joining us for dinner? You didn't tell me-”

“No, I was just leavin’, don't worry,” Noya says, hastily excusing himself with a wave and ignoring Tanaka when he calls out to him.

That scene continues to replay in Noya’s head the entire flight back home. It hadn't gone close to how he'd planned.

 

* * *

 

The sight of Noya sitting outside of Sakanoshita, pork bun in hand, is one of the most nostalgic things Tanaka thinks he's ever seen. It reminds him of their first meeting so many years ago.

He looks distracted and it's enough for Tanaka to sneak up behind him undetected, resting his chin on Noya’s shoulder. “Maaaan, the last pork bun. My old favorite.”

Noya nearly drops it as he whips around, wide-eyed. “Ryuu?!”

“Yo.”

Noya shoots him a look that Tanaka knows is asking both ‘What’re you doing here?’ and _'What about Terushima?'_ as he sits down next to him on the curb.

“Yuuji told me to follow you back. I think he kinda read the situation and had a feelin'...'sides, I couldn't leave things like that, y’know?” he explains quietly, scuffing his sneaker against the pavement.

“I’m sorry. It wasn't how I wanted that to go.” Noya offers Tanaka half of his snack, which he takes. “You were right, though. I was jealous.”

Tanaka swallows his mouthful hard. He’d known when it’d happened, but hearing it confirmed makes his heart race.

“I wanted to tell you there,” Tanaka watches as Noya carefully considers his words for once, “that there wasn’t any reason to be embarrassed about it, ‘cause obviously I felt the same way. That’s why I was at your doorstep. But…”

“It wasn’t the right time,” Tanaka says finishing his sentence. Noya just hums in affirmation, resting his arms against his knees.

“No. And even if we’d tried to work out the distance, I think we both knew deep down that it woulda been too much. I didn't wanna risk damaging what we already had, ‘cause you're too important to me. That thought wasn't bearable, but then that Paris mess happened and I thought ‘man, I really fucked up, this is gonna be the end of it.’”

Tanaka sighs. “I know…the circumstances always made stuff complicated. Like, since high school, it just wasn't ever the right time…but I wanted to tell you, every single day. And I thought maybe writing it to you would be easier, but when you never mentioned it, I panicked. I figured you were just actin’ like it never happened. So…it’s my fault too, I shoulda known better than to assume shit.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, listening as the cicadas start to screech off in the distance.

"Ryuu," he says suddenly, tone serious as he rummages in his pockets for - ah, yes. He clasps onto the tickets in one hand, and holds Tanaka's hand with the other. "Come with me to Disneyland."

**Author's Note:**

> Kate: [@mokubah](https://twitter.com/mokubah)  
> Mira: [@kougamira](https://twitter.com/kougamira)  
> Beckett: [@beckett_trash](https://twitter.com/beckett_trash)  
> Hannah: [tmntransformer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tmntransformer/pseuds/tmntransformer)  
> Layla: [@killuazcldyck_](https://twitter.com/killuazcldyck_)


End file.
